I've read several parenting books since becoming a mother in March (OK...parts of several parenting books :) The only thing they've had in common is the recommended sequence of an infants schedule: eat, awake, and sleep, in that order. I've been doing this with Claire since she was born. We've now entered a phase where I'm having a harder time getting her to go down for a nap.
I was talking with my mom about how she did it with her 8 kids. She always nursed us to sleep. As I reflect on this, I wonder if those of us trying to do the eat, wake, sleep thing are fighting nature? Claire would easily drift off to sleep after feeding if I'd let her. I am more sleepy myself after a good meal! As it is now, I have to fight to get/keep her awake after a feeding and then fight again to get her to go down for a nap an hour or so (sometime less) later. Is the only reason to keep the eat, awake, sleep cycle to ensure that kids don't become dependant on eating to fall asleep? In my case, if Claire takes a bottle fine, what's so wrong with that? My mother suggests that just as we grow out of wetting our diapers, etc. we grow out of needing to eat to fall asleep too.
I just want to tap into the greater experience out there. Have some of you tried the "old fashioned" nurse them to sleep tactic? Any repercussions? I'm not making any changes today, but I am re-thinking things...
Thanks!
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I don't know, I'm only a mother of one and I've been following the eat, play, sleep routine as well. I do believe in it. She now naps for 1. 5 to 3 huors for both her naps and i don't feed her before. I think they get used to having to be full when they sleep and that they'll wake up in the night more because they feel slightly hungry and need to eat back to sleep. Also for naps I don't think you shoul dhave to worry about feeding them, what if you fed 2 hours before and now she wont go to sleep unless you feed her? Sometimes for talia she does eat before she sleeps but only because by chance her eating time lands on a nap time. But i never nurse her/ bottle feed her to sleep. My mom never did as well and her babies slept great. We're now in the process of weaning talias only feed out in the night, and yes she is hungry still and thinks she needs to eat but she needs to know it's sleep time, not time for eating.
But i guess with all the advice you get from this post, i will say whatever you do will be best for claire and you. Some things work for some and not others. She will grow up and you wont always nurse her to sleep so i'm sure it will be fine! oh maybe try keeping claire up for longer inbetween naps. we had to move talias wake time from 2 hours to 3 now. anyways love ya!
It's a hard question. After having a second kid, I have realized how different each one can be in temperament. I had very little sleep struggles with Jaycee, and hundreds with Rydge for the very thing you're asking about. Rydge wants to eat to go to sleep. He's terrible, but 9 times out of 10 I give in because he is more determined than I am. I had to revamp my schedule ideas and give in to him, then he started getting longer stretches of sleep in, but we have had to take ridiculously small baby steps, and he still isn't sleeping through the night. If you can keep the sleep, eat, awake schedule, I think she would do better on that. Sometimes, though, in this day we are too overanalytical, and all the baby really needs is to eat. Who's to say they aren't hungry? My perspective sure changes at 2 and 3 o'clock in the morning. Whatever gets them to sleep faster, right?
i really feel that you have to do what is best for you and your child. if nursing her to sleep is what works best for you, then do it.
for me, i'm not a big fan of letting my kids fall asleep to nursing. it can be hard to NOT do it that way because that way is so easy. however, in the long run, i think my kids are turning out to be decent sleepers. (tanner has a hard time staying asleep, but he can fall asleep by himself). what i found with my two kids is that they both have made me change their sleeping routines after a while. i think what she is doing is fairly normal. i would alter their routine a little to be more appropriate for their age and eventually they would be going to sleep on their own again.
with tanner, it took me a good month and a half to train him to sleep on his own and take really good long naps. it was not easy, but now it is so worth it. i found that when i set him down, if he got fussy, i just stayed by his crib and patted his leg, back, bum (whatever) and shushed along until he'd get drowsy, then would stop the patting and shushing. if he started up again, i would do it all over again and continued doing this pattern until he eventually just fell to sleep on his own. over time he didn't need me there anymore to help him with that.
i realize everyone probably has sleeping advice. if you really don't want to put her to sleep by feeding her, just keep experimenting with different things until you find something that works for you and her. if you want to rock her, pat and shush, whatever. i have also found it really helps to not pick them up after you have put them in their crib if they aren't screaming and are just a little fussy. just help them to calm down and get drowsy in their crib.
there. that's my two cents. hope some of it helps.
After having three great sleepers (and I mean GREAT!) I would have to say...do what works for you and Claire. I'll tell you what worked for me, but know that what works for me, may not be what works for you. First, don't sweat the small stuff. Yep, sleep is a HUGE thing, but you have to forget everything you have read and get into your own routine. With mine, I would feed them when they got up in the morning (if they feel asleep, good for me, more sleep) and then feed them again (about 3 - 4 hours later) which meant it was close to nap time and they would of course fall asleep. If they ate earlier/later, then I would put them down without nursing first. Second, I had a doctor that said to never wake a sleeping baby. And I never did. Even my youngest, who had serious eating problems at the beginning was never woken up to eat. And if you were to see her now, you would laugh. She seriously out-weighs ALL of my kids! No kidding! Third, just like your mom said, ever kid will learn to sleep with or without eating before. You have to do what works for you. Try out a few different things for a few days and see if Claire responds positively or negatively. Then you know what to do. And fourth, your schedule will constantly be changing so just be ready to do whatever works. Just when you think you have things figured out, it changes. From about 6 months on my kids have all slept through the night (minus being sick or bathroom/drink breaks - which are RARE) and taken great naps. HOWEVER, just because this all worked for me, does not mean it will work for you. Do what makes Claire happy and you will be happy too!
Love ya! And good luck!
Looks like you got a lot of advice! :) I'll keep it short. I nursed my kids to sleep sometimes, especially at naps. If they could fall asleep, and stay out, I didn't want to mess with it. For the first 3-4 months I consider them baby babies and give them basically what they want. A very flexible schedule. They eat basically every 3 hours and sleep between those feedings and are awake sometimes too, but I never had a stopwatch going and tried to keep them awake until a certain time. Doesn't work for me. How do you keep a tired 3 month old awake? Listen to them cry. No thanks! For MY sanity! :) Around 4ish months I work more about the "schedule," when we are all more adjusted to our new life. Especially when it was the 2 of them! If it is a huge hassle and takes up lots of your time and doesn't really work, I wouldn't do it. But then again, the next week, it could work...Things might happen in phases. Do what your gut tells you. You can't really ruin her. When they were a bit older, I wrapped them and left them to sleep with soft music playing. Now, all my kids take naps consistently, all go down pretty easy, and all sleep through the night...KNOCK ON WOOD! If you want to nurse her for some sanity, Do it. Guilt free. You won't ruin her and babies can learn and relearn easily. Hope you figure it out!!! It's all guess work I've discovered!
I do have to say though, for night time sleeping, putting them to bed awake is the way to go when you are ready for it. It makes life easier down the road. Bed time takes minutes instead of hours!
i loved reading everyones advice. there is a sure pattern here. do what you want to do and what works best with your little gal.
i am a person that needs my sleep. having a second child about killed me. with nolan we did the whole "cry it out thing" when he was 10 weeks old. we started it first with bedtime and then it eventually transitioned into naps. i'm not one to sit and rock and rock and rock so that my baby gets to sleep. i put my kids down and they do the rest.
this specific way is hard. you really have to follow through with it or you are just wasting time. if you continually go in the room to check on them they will never learn and all that crying will be for nothing.
we did this with both of our kids. nolan it worked wonders. he has been the best sleeper ever! luke took a little bit longer but he was also so tiny when he was born and was in the NICU for his first two weeks so we felt bad making him cry it out until he was about 5 or 6 months.
you should talk to jake. he worked in peds and the nicu before we moved out here. he really helped me through the sleep thing. he said that babies shouldn't need to get up and eat through the night once they reach a certain weight or age. sleep is definitely more important that eating when they are young. it is so crucial for their brain development. maybe that's why luke isn't talking yet. no, i kid.
julie, getting all this advice is great. it will give you some things to try. every kid is so different. there is no wrong or right way to do anything when it comes to raising your children. good luck. i feel tired just thinking of the baby stage.
I don't feel you can spoil a child in their first year. That being said, you do have to help them have some kind of routine, for both of your sanity. I agree with your mom in that she won't do it forever. Sometimes my kids fell asleep eating, some times they didn't. I never cared. As long as they were happy, so was I. Keeping Claire happy is best for both of you. That's how I feel at least. I hold my babies a ton and spoil them alot, they grow so fast, I want to enjoy every moment, even having them fall asleep in my arms! :)
I nurse Lydia before her naps and before bed, but she falls asleep on her own after that... but it wasn't so easy with Tristan. He changed all the time for the first 6-8 months, so I was always trying new things. After trying something different a few times you will probably be able to tell if it works or not, and hopefully it won't be long before you find a comfortable way for both of you.
Since you posted this a week ago, how has the last week gone? Did you switch it up at all?
I definitely read all of the same materials you did, almost to the point that I literally thought it was non-negotiable. Scott once threatened to throw all of the books out because I was becoming a wreck. And my biggest source of guilt was...yes, the eat, awake, sleep routine. Olivia just didn't work that way. So, for my own sanity I nursed her to sleep (at naps and bed time). And she and I were both much happier that way! And contrary to much literature and opinion, she is a fantastic sleeper. She was sleeping through the night somewhere between 8 and 9 weeks and almost always took great naps. Now, at 2, she still sleeps about 11 hours at night and takes a two hour nap in the afternoon. I thought that when we weaned her (at 13 months) we were really going to be in for a nightmare. But the transition actually turned out to be a breeze thanks to other activities that were part of her bedtime routine. I'll have to give you a call so we can chat more about it. Love you!!
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